Merits of enduring

[blazer]

Time ago i've found myself in a situation where, instead of taking strong countermeasures in order to defend myself (even if far from behaving perfectly), i endured continuous attacks from a person. This caused me to lose many of my qualities, getting bad sicknesses, not getting what i "reasonably expected" from my life, somehow falling down in a much lower plane of existence. I taken awareness of this ongoing situation and great hatred arose over time. So i often tought, in the past, the cost i held was too much and i had to act strongly so i would have had a far better life, so regretting the choice of not having taken stronger action, or blaming myself to not having recognized the real danger behind that situation.
Any advice for merit contemplation is welcome

 

[Johann]

There are, Nyom, things to be endured and things which are required to be avoided, next to other, to get ride of fermentations.

Things to be endured for one seeking for ending of Āsavas are such as: bites of mosquitoes, animals, bodily pains, harsh words...
Things to be avoided are such as: dirty places, wild animals, fools.

Yet to be able to avoid certain things might require to let go of 'benefits' which are expected by upholding relation or way.

Again the Sabbasava Sutta for a complex view on the matter of how regard things right to fall not away and progress firm on the path, step by step.

[blazer]

Thank you Ven. Johann.
After recollection it came to my mind that i had gratitude and actually wanted to solve the problems as skillfully as possible for me. Then gratitude has been lowered and forgotten when anger grew.