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Vihara => Open Vihara - [Offenes Vihara] => Topic started by: Dhammañāṇa on February 26, 2018, 10:14:50 PM

Title: [Q&A] Permission of your parents in your renunciation
Post by: Dhammañāṇa on February 26, 2018, 10:14:50 PM
Quote from: Upasaka Kalpesh Mange (https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/questions/24527/permission-of-your-parents-in-your-renunciation) on BSE
Permission of your parents in your renunciation

have thought about this since a long time, and now I am ready for renunciation, accept teachings and practise Buddhism in a monastery. I told my parents about these future plans. They said they were disappointed in me & that I was running away from my responsibilities & will ruin their and my life if I follow this path.

Since they've made me the person I am today, I feel the need to ask for permission before I leave. They won't allow me.

What would be the best way to solve this, maybe a middle path?

And also because of the question here (https://dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f=30&t=31311), carefully, wise & compassioned and obligated answered by Upasaka Moritz . Sadhu!

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person tries to answer this question. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/homage_en.html)

(Previous answer can be found here (https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/a/24530))

pasaka Kalpesh Mange, you told:

I have thought about this since a long time, and now I am ready for renunciation, accept teachings and practise Buddhism in a monastery.


That is a very praiseworthy way one sees one parents, Sadhu! And a notion of a good sense of gratitude and right view.

Ruben gave some information, which are at large not so wrong. How ever, take always away notions of "I have a right" or "it should be this and that". If it work not now, it will work by time. When your parents get more and more understood your ways, while practicing based on right view where you are, they are more likely to understand.

When it comes to a point where you are no more able to live a householders live, you parents will see that and seeing it, they will ask, beeing asked, is a good place to explain deeper and make things understood.

Since it contains a lot of stories, aside the rules of the Bhikkhus (not someones rights!), it's maybe worthy to give the Mahavagga I  (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/tipitaka/vin/mv/index_en.html#mv01)an extended read.

Meanwhile, something to rejoice with (http://forum.sangham.net/index.php/topic,8304.msg13663.html#msg13663), take part on merits: a certain person, just few days ago, joyfull shared his mothers now joyful agreement, with his soon going forth. Something really not common in regard of intented to really going forth, not just changing house with monastery, which is often really just a "seek for 'easy' life" and welness.

The case of the Buddhas son, and the grieve of his mother, and the request of Ven. Ananda, which was the reason for the rule not to give going forth, one who has no permission from the parents, was in regard of a Samanera and such as "Anagarika" does not exist within the Dhamma-Vinaya, but is actually also a Samanera (one who asked for going forth under the Buddhas teaching). So not only out of this, it's good to seek a good and proper way, not stubborn and proper to time and facts.

As told, if there are no more ways to live a housholders life, there will be ways anyway. It's possible not wrong at all if spending much and most time avalible in contact with the monks, try to make service and maybe it's possible to get your parents to attend often or part time.

At least, althought maybe not that welcome to hear/read, its always good to speak with good and possible also knowledgeable monks, at first place and if avaliable (which requires to let go of usuall "lazy" ways) in all Dhamma-Vinaya cases, specially in regard of ordination.

There are many personal things, which those could probably handle with, which "in all cases seen from outward"-accounts are not able to serve propably best. One would not easy find someone with real refuge in the Juwels in this spheres, which does on the otherside not mean that ones Nissaya does not have its ways anyway, if walking with pure heart and certain right view, sticking firm to the basics.

Best possible strength, effort and endure for success in regard of path, fruits and the mastering of the holy life, where ever being. Watching after giving good causes. Effects come by themselves, just a matter of crossing the soil for it, sooner or later.

Addition

My person has to add (just translating that part of the Mahavagga), that the Original wish after the rule, that those desire the going forth, need permission, to be faultless ordained by a Bhikkhu, was raised from Buddhas father and the rule does not cover only the acceptance as Bhikkhu, but also all other forms of going into homelessness, going forth (pabbājeyya) under the Buddha: eg. Samanera and technical Anagarika (who are actually Samanera) as well.

See: Rāhulavatthu - The Case of Rāhula (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/tipitaka/vin/mv/mv01/mv.01.41.khem_en.html).