The last years, before April, i have encountered many people.
With two of them, a woman and a man, i have spent time.
I had serious conflicts with them: they looked as friends, but actually acted very bad repeatedly based on their supermassive ego. I had so much loss and suffering because of them.
At a certain point i decided to hit their ego strong by showing them the truth.
One is scared now, the other would like to be my friend again.
Three points
1) i struggle to forgive or have much compassion toward those people. I mean, it could be ok to say "let them have their life away from here" another is "i love them". I'm quite sure i would not like to have them near me as they use to make people suffer, far better to keep them away
2) i have always been available to forgive them only in the case they would have admitted every selfish word/action, which is not the case
3) i have seen in them certain useful qualities which i studied and learned. Obviously they were not aware of it. Should i be grateful to them for it?
I must admit i liked to see that one of them is falling fast, probably as consequence of unlimited ego and extremely harmful behaviors. Anyway, i'm sure i would prefer this person to understand and to gain a better life, but it could be too unlikely since this person looks very corrupted to me.
During the period after april, when i had really nice concentration, i didn't think much (most probably not at all) about those experiences.
Was it the effect of concentration, or the effect of wisdom? Or both?
How one actually "change idea" many times about such things? At times it looks i have no anger and correct view, at times not.
It is not easy to fix this, any idea is welcome.
Thank you