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Talkbox

2020 Apr 02 06:37:53
Mohan Gnanathilake: Mögen wir einen gesunden und ausgeglichenen Geist gewinnen! Dhamma Grüβe aus Sri Lanka!

2020 Apr 02 06:37:20
Mohan Gnanathilake: May we gain a healthy and balanced mind! Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2020 Apr 01 14:38:03
Cheav Villa: Kana Bhante Dukka arises from Touch. Touch of Avijja. _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Apr 01 10:15:36
Moritz: And is it possible to describe more what is wrong in iPhone safari? Is it at least possible to read topics? I can not test anythng for iPhone safari here, without an iPhone. _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Apr 01 10:13:46
Administration: Could Bhante give some details about accounts not properly registered or getting errors?

2020 Apr 01 10:09:46
Moritz: I hope Bhante is able to receive enough almsfood and drinking water in this time of corona fear. I read there will soon be a curfew (people not allowed to go out) for some time). _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Apr 01 10:01:53
Moritz: Account registration and confirmation emails should work. It could be that it lands in the spam folder.

2020 Apr 01 10:01:05
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Apr 01 08:53:17
Johann: (Forum and topics to not display proper on iPhone safari, so writing here)

2020 Apr 01 08:51:48
Johann: Some accounts may not be activated proper or the user informed right. There have been errors and needs to be checked. Maybe Nyom Moritz already has back his old strength to look into it.

2020 Apr 01 08:48:36
Johann: Dukkha arises from touch. Touch of Avijja. From nothing else. So may all avoid the bond to foolishness and seek for wise.

2020 Apr 01 08:43:51
Johann: Sadhu

2020 Apr 01 07:21:40
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Apr 01 04:54:03
Khemakumara: May it be a path- and fruitful sila day  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Apr 01 04:51:07
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Mudita

2020 Mar 31 13:32:59
Moritz: _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 31 13:21:28
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 31 10:47:26
Johann: Lend device of Nyom Chanroth does not work well for now. Best greetings from the Bodhisatha of Phnom Srong to Bhangra Khemakumara. He’s missed by many, thinking lot on the blessing.

2020 Mar 31 10:25:42
Johann: May all spend a blessed Uppsala today

2020 Mar 31 08:54:28
Mohan Gnanathilake: Mögen wir jemals tolerant sein und das Gute und Schöne in allem sehen! Dhamma Grüβe aus Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 31 08:54:11
Mohan Gnanathilake: May we ever be tolerant and see the good and beautiful in all! Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 27 10:41:10
Mohan Gnanathilake: Mögen wir fest und entschlossen sein und einen eisernen Willen haben! Dhamma Grüβe aus Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 27 10:40:36
Mohan Gnanathilake: May we be firm and resolute and have an iron will! Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 26 20:49:20
Cheav Villa: and they have keep the rule of the Village is safe... I kana also told him that one another foreigner monk already left to the Aural... and he probably walk through the area. _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 26 20:47:32
Moritz: Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 26 20:44:17
Cheav Villa: I kana used to talk to the Khmer monk at Wat AngChum who contacted to Akyum with the Police in Korng Pisey District, the monk want to apologize again and again he said he and the Police had no bad will againt Bhante. Because of cannot talk and understand the language...

2020 Mar 26 20:35:58
Cheav Villa: I kana hope that Bhante Johann will be back to Akyum soon. Bhante Johann now might take rest near infront Phnom Srong, where place Bhante had been before. _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 26 20:31:00
Cheav Villa: How is Bhante Well being? _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 26 20:25:58
Khemakumara: Upāsakā Moritz

2020 Mar 26 20:21:38
Khemakumara: Upāsikā

2020 Mar 26 13:43:15
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 24 17:31:44
Cheav Villa: May all beings be well and Safe. May they be healed.  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 24 11:24:10
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 24 04:06:52
Khemakumara: May it be a path- and fruitful uposatha day  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 22 10:32:51
Moritz: Vandami Bhante Ariyadhammika _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 22 09:32:05
Cheav Villa: Master Moritz _/\_

2020 Mar 22 09:21:39
Mohan Gnanathilake:   Mögen wir furchtlos vor Gefahren stehen und mutig alle Hindernisse überwinden! Dhamma Grüβe aus Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 22 09:21:03
Mohan Gnanathilake: May we be fearless in facing dangers and courageously surmount all obstacles! Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 22 08:33:26
Moritz: _/\_ Bang Villa

2020 Mar 21 23:08:34
Cheav Villa: May all beings be well and safe. May they be happy. _/\_ _/\_  _/\_

2020 Mar 21 23:08:28
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 21 21:33:47
Khemakumara: កតញ្ញូ   kataññū _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 20 20:55:00
Mohan Gnanathilake: Mögen wir jemals ruhig, heiter, gelassen und friedlich sein! Dhamma Grüβe aus Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 20 20:49:17
Mohan Gnanathilake: May we ever be calm, serene, unruffled and peaceful! Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 20 10:38:44
Cheav Villa: May all beings be well and safe. May they be happy. _/\_ _/\_  _/\_

2020 Mar 17 11:24:51
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 17 07:01:04
Johann: And for those celebrating the Sila day today, a blessed undertaking.

2020 Mar 16 08:31:19
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 16 06:12:53
Johann: A Blessed Siladay this day

2020 Mar 15 07:46:18
Johann: Sadhu,sadhu

2020 Mar 14 23:37:16
Mohan Gnanathilake: Das Leben ist durch Unwissenheit, Verlangen und Festhalten bedingt. Das Leben ist wie ein Rad, das sich ohne Anfang umdreht. Dhamma Grüβe aus Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 14 22:32:02
Mohan Gnanathilake: Life is conditioned by ignorance, craving and clinging. Life is like a wheel, turning around without any beginning. Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 13 23:15:35
Cheav Villa: May all be blessed by the Savage Sangha along the way to Akyum Pagoda from tomorrow.  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 13 23:11:28
Cheav Villa: I Kana just tries to breath in and out about 30mins.  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 13 06:47:28
Johann: Sadhu

2020 Mar 12 22:29:59
Cheav Villa: I kana tried about 30mins before bed  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 12 21:23:01
Johann: Leave form, sound, smell, taste and touch, right here and now.

2020 Mar 12 21:07:20
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 12 14:46:47
Johann: Every time is the best time to leave home, yes.

2020 Mar 12 13:38:39
Cheav Villa: Kana Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Best Time to know the Vipasana course is still Vipasana course, when the real Vipasana has come.  ^-^ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 12 12:55:07
Johann: Best to make Vipassana when there is no fear of Samsara... *irony*

2020 Mar 12 12:51:48
Johann: Waht about changing the date to one when there is no traffic because their are dying much more people every day...

2020 Mar 12 12:50:27
Johann: Best time when there is no more sickness and death in the world or? Samsara fans.

2020 Mar 12 12:41:57
Cheav Villa: Master Moritz  :) _/\_

2020 Mar 12 12:40:49
Cheav Villa: I kana heard from Bang Puthy, Bhante Indanano wants to change the schedule for Vipasana because of most afraid of spreading Covid_19. :) _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 12 12:36:56
Cheav Villa: I kana also dont like to sit as long for the Vipassana Course. Vipasana in any sitting,  walking, standing..  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 12 12:31:33
Johann: (Don't tell it further: He is terrible afraid that he possible needs to take part on the Vipassana course at Wat Akyum)

2020 Mar 12 12:28:23
Johann: They hold him in what's app Samsara caught. *bling*

2020 Mar 12 12:25:45
Johann: He is to afraid because people always tell anything further, my person guesses. To much watching Devas  :)

2020 Mar 12 12:23:21
Cheav Villa: I kana had heard of Master Moritz wants to go back soon to enjoy the Samsara  ^-^ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_. As I kana know the Samara is everywhere in this worldily.  :D _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 12 12:14:39
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 09 20:10:03
Moritz: Bang Villa _/\_

2020 Mar 09 12:35:33
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 09 12:02:48
Johann: Not only, also for heavens, but if well done of course (Uposatha was held even before the Buddha as well, Nyom)

2020 Mar 09 11:33:51
Cheav Villa: Kana Bhante  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Uposatha is for magga and phalas only   :) _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 09 11:31:36
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 09 10:50:08
Johann: A blessed full moon uposatha, maggas and phalas, all.

2020 Mar 08 10:10:28
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 08 08:52:14
Johann: May all observe a blessed full moon Uposatha, those who tend to do it today.

2020 Mar 07 22:47:14
Johann: We includes all wordlings, Nyom. Something that can be changed.

2020 Mar 07 22:45:33
Mohan Gnanathilake: We are susceptible to the worldly conditions (loka-dhamma). Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2020 Mar 06 12:03:17
You Y:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu Bhante.

2020 Mar 06 09:37:33
You Y: Bhante Johann,  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Could you please share me the dhama that I read yesterday?

2020 Mar 05 20:58:15
Moritz: Probably all coming from the messengers (WhatsApp, Telegram), where I just informed a little. :)

2020 Mar 05 20:56:28
Johann: 4 guests already, so nothing to worry, Brah google and his host will follow as long be traceable.

2020 Mar 05 20:52:41
Moritz: Yes, they may come back when the new address is indexed by a search engine.

2020 Mar 05 20:48:50
Johann: Nyom, Nyom. Robots and google may not follow redirects

2020 Mar 05 20:41:44
Cheav Villa: Master Moritz _/\_

2020 Mar 05 20:41:28
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 05 20:38:20
Moritz: 0 guests here - unusual sight :-)

2020 Mar 05 20:38:07
Moritz: Bang Villa _/\_

2020 Mar 05 20:38:02
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 04 11:49:51
Johann: Nyom

2020 Mar 04 10:39:44
Danilo: Bhante _/\_

2020 Mar 02 14:02:25
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 02 12:56:34
Johann: May those celebrating it today spend a blessed day as well

2020 Mar 01 21:34:54
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2020 Mar 01 06:55:13
Johann: A blessed Sila-Day all those who undertake it today.

2020 Feb 29 22:31:54
Mohan Gnanathilake: The eight worldly conditions (loka-dhamma) obsess the world. The world revolves around the eight worldly conditions (loka-dhamma).

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[Buddha]

Author Topic: [Q&A] How should a Buddhist approach honoring parents who abused them?  (Read 844 times)

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Offline Johann

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[Q&A] How should a Buddhist approach honoring parents who abused them?

Quote from: Nyom Sarah asked on BSE
As a Buddhist, we are called upon to honor our mother and father. However, how should this be applied in a situation where parents were abusive, neglectful, and harmful? When engaging the parents is often revictimizing? What are the obligations to parents in this situation? Is it their karma to be not honored because of their actions?

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

Venerable fellows,

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person to share a question and investigate it. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

Householder Sarah, interested,

a giver (of possibilities, space, birth, material things...) has no obligations toward a receiver. One who has received, how ever has obligations toward the giver.

If someone gives or likes to give something one does not like, actually would harm, there is no need to accept such and to take on it. Once one personal takes on such harmful, one usually tries to give it back. So best simply not taking (personal) if been given something that is harmful.

So both, giver and receiver, have choices, choices to give, take and reject.

As parents have given a lot, not easy ever to repay, it's proper for ones release to look after the bodily and material needs. How ever, it's not possible to pay all back in this way and sometimes one also does not have the means. So if acting great, and skilled, having certain access to the parents in humble ways, the greatest gift a child can give their parents is to patiently turn not so good parents toward good, without being "parently" and know the position one is into.

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

    "Monks, I will teach you the level of a person of no integrity and the level of a person of integrity. Listen & pay close attention. I will speak."

    "As you say, lord," the monks responded.

    The Blessed One said, "Now what is the level of a person of no integrity? A person of no integrity is ungrateful & unthankful. This ingratitude, this lack of thankfulness, is advocated by rude people. It is entirely on the level of people of no integrity. A person of integrity is grateful & thankful. This gratitude, this thankfulness, is advocated by civil people. It is entirely on the level of people of integrity."

    {II,iv,2} "I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."


Aside: it's better to look at ones own duties, ones own actions, then to judge others and it's very unwise to develop ideas to justify not doing ones duties because of other ones former actions (kamma). Once duties are done there is release, release that is not violating and reached by skillful (kusala) means, meaning "right release".

Kamma (action) and vipaka (effect of it) is also not something that works linear, so situations present do not necessary have connection to near actions, not even related to particular people and their actions, but can be long time back, even lifetimes. So one will meet good parents with good children, good parents with bad children, bad parents with good children and bad parents with bad children, but where ever one is, child or parent, good or bad, good to go toward light out of the darkness: AN 4.85: Tamonata Sutta — Darkness (wealth here counts also in regard of ones merits, goodness)

The general duties of a child toward it parents are:

   

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents as the East:

    (i) Having supported me I shall support them, (ii) I shall do their duties, (iii) I shall keep the family tradition, (iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance, (v) furthermore I shall offer alms in honor of my departed relatives.


In regard of duties general: one has never any real duty to act for harm of other beings or for ones own harm (violating the precepts with ones actions). If such is claimed, one can without violating the Dhamma step back form ones contract in this regard.

Some good encouraging talks on gratitude and parents here also attached for ones food in growing:

  •     Parents: Two short Talks on Gratitude
  •     The Lessons of Gratitude
  •     The Right Angle: It’s Never Wrong
  •     Gratitude

    May you all ever dwell with Brahma and don't fall into low states rejecting the bases of right view.

       

    Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

    "Mother and father are said to be Brahma and an earlier god, Children should revere them, for the compassion of the populace The wise should revere and care for them, giving eatables, drinks Clothes, beds, massaging, bathing and washing their feet The wise enjoy attending on their mother and father And later enjoy heavenly bliss."


    A young Upasaka isuru shared an enlightening approach

    Quote from: Upasaka Isuru Gunawardana

    No matter how hard the parents abused you, don't try to do anything against. Only thing you can do is wishing them good(maithree).

    Specially if you pay them the aarya (noble) maithree it will do the best for you and them. And I've seen many people have get the successful results out of this.

    How you do it

    Daily 20-30 mins (if you can do more then do) think this to your self (close your eyes as it helps to concentrate more). You and your parents may attain Nivana (enlightment). Wish this so deeply. Add what ever the necessary facts like things they do good for you and in return you are wishing them Nivana. As Nivana is the only place anyone can get the ultimate happiness. So basically you are wishing them happiness, no matter the way you get treated.

    And as mentioned by Buddha if anyone kill a parent its going to be very bad karma (anantarya papa) that can't get escape. When someone eat poison with or without knowing that it is poison he is going to suffer. Like that the nature is dangerous no matter we know it or not it behaves the way as it supposed to be. So only thing we can be happy about is Nivana. That's why wishing that (the best thing in this universe) to someone who treat you bad will return you good things.

    With Metta!

    Quote from: Johann
    Such would be the mindset of a real son, daughter, of the Buddha, Sakyan putta, after hearing the true Dhamma . Sadhu! Upasaka could add also the The Simile of the Saw to his answer, if wishing so.

    Anumodana punna kusala
« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 02:12:04 PM by Johann »
This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

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