Posted by: Dhammañāṇa
« on: May 07, 2020, 08:37:47 PM »Is it wrong to be a “people pleaser”?
...was asked and answered outside before.
Venerable members of the Sangha,
Venerable fellows,
Upasaka, Upasika, interested,
Good householder, honored Buddhaparisada, interested,
Good and importand question, all along the path, till there, and it's end, unbound.
Yes, it is wrong if by unskilful
means and for unskilful poor-pose. No, it isn't wrong, if by skilful means and for skilful pure-pose, good householder.
Most helpful and simple, everywhere and -when applyable, are the teachings toward the Sublime Buddhas son: Ambalatthika-rahulovada Sutta: Instructions to Rahula at Mango Stone.
Importand is maybe that one does only need to be pleasing for others, as long in relation, dependency of others: relation duties (next to skilful). To gain independency fulfilling the duties of ones relation are importand. Otherwise no end and lot of bad condition-accumulation.
To act most pleasing within ones sociaty is also called Sangha-vatthu (Ground of community): AN 4.32 Sangaha Sutta: The Bonds of Fellowship.
There is a lot to talk about on this question, at least because the path is nothing but to gain highest "being" plrasing for all others and oneself, so here just an entrance for those wishing to be pleasing for higher and highest goal.
So called "people pleasure", addicted to try to make all perfect for others, are, for the most very caught and unfree, slaves of their desires and after certain rewards, seldom real giver. So good to think a lot about the issue, especially if accepting to harm oneself or others for "pleasing" here and there.
One is welcome to use possible more proper areas for more on it. At least because there are those pleasing things, unpleasing for others in their sphere of awareness: AN 5.157: Dukkathā Sutta: Unpleasant talk.
If serious free of certain amount of desires, this words by Ajahn Fuang may be of help (or hell for those not really free as well, so careful with it, it's wrong when gratitude, right view, is abounded at the same time, past, present, future...):
(Note: this isn't given to please anyone after trade, exchange, stacks and what binds in this wheel here, but for liberation from it)
...was asked and answered outside before.
Venerable members of the Sangha,
Venerable fellows,
Upasaka, Upasika, interested,
Good householder, honored Buddhaparisada, interested,
Good and importand question, all along the path, till there, and it's end, unbound.
Yes, it is wrong if by unskilful
means and for unskilful poor-pose. No, it isn't wrong, if by skilful means and for skilful pure-pose, good householder.Most helpful and simple, everywhere and -when applyable, are the teachings toward the Sublime Buddhas son: Ambalatthika-rahulovada Sutta: Instructions to Rahula at Mango Stone.
Importand is maybe that one does only need to be pleasing for others, as long in relation, dependency of others: relation duties (next to skilful). To gain independency fulfilling the duties of ones relation are importand. Otherwise no end and lot of bad condition-accumulation.
To act most pleasing within ones sociaty is also called Sangha-vatthu (Ground of community): AN 4.32 Sangaha Sutta: The Bonds of Fellowship.
There is a lot to talk about on this question, at least because the path is nothing but to gain highest "being" plrasing for all others and oneself, so here just an entrance for those wishing to be pleasing for higher and highest goal.
So called "people pleasure", addicted to try to make all perfect for others, are, for the most very caught and unfree, slaves of their desires and after certain rewards, seldom real giver. So good to think a lot about the issue, especially if accepting to harm oneself or others for "pleasing" here and there.
One is welcome to use possible more proper areas for more on it. At least because there are those pleasing things, unpleasing for others in their sphere of awareness: AN 5.157: Dukkathā Sutta: Unpleasant talk.
If serious free of certain amount of desires, this words by Ajahn Fuang may be of help (or hell for those not really free as well, so careful with it, it's wrong when gratitude, right view, is abounded at the same time, past, present, future...):
"If people hate you, that's when you're let off the hook. You can come and go as you like without having to worry about whether or not they'll miss you or get upset at your going. And you don't have to bring any presents for them when you come back. You're free to do as you like (within skilful!)."
(Note: this isn't given to please anyone after trade, exchange, stacks and what binds in this wheel here, but for liberation from it)