Merits

[blazer]

Having informed myself about the meaning of Merits and its importance along the path, i will try to keep this topic updated with my latest merits.

Since my leg is healing i've tried to take a walk around the city.
I have done charity two times when homeless looking ones have asked me for an offer on the road.
The first time it happened to me, in order, to be happy of the request, to be happy in giving, then reflecting about this merit.
The second time, which happened a few hours later, i didn't enjoy the act of giving. I felt the person was not going to use the money for the good. But anyway, i gave charity.

I also engaged in thinking about the causes which brang me in a peaceful state, very near to the goal, and about the causes that made this state to (partially) decay. It is a difficult activity since causes are many and i feel lost and alone.

I met two different friends in two different time. Even if now it is more difficult, i have maintained good speech and i rejoiced their happiness in having passed time with me. I also taken joy observing the fact they often make me some kind of offering ( a coffee, food, etc. ).

I'm trying to correct my view, which is corrupted in many ways, by meditating, by reflection. Hard job.
With this, i'm also trying to bring back some order in my life. Having lost the peace of mind brought suffering and confusion.

Since i feel not faultless, not perfect in conduct and effort, i have found beneficial recollecting my own merits, toward the path itself and toward other people. This doesn't look much meritous to me as it looked some time ago.
I think it's worth to keep recollecting those merits everyday and really appreciate their value.


Feel free to rejoice or write any comment

[Dhammañāṇa]

Sadhu & mudita

Sharing ones merits (puñña, deeds that bring more sublime joy) is also huge generosity, it's stopping to hide oneself and share "beauty", goes against macchariya (stinginess). Good to get much into the topic .

[blazer]

I'm not used to share merit. Here it is viewn as a way for one to look better, as a dummy simple to way show that one is good, or even as a way to hide a darker part of oneself. Interpretation may vary, obviously.

I found myself with a not dangerous but very painful illness. Having applied mindfulness most of the time i refused to get passive and done some useful simple tasks to reorder/clean my living environment. Some meditation on pain has been done, expecially trying to separate the self, and so my mind, speech, and action, from the pain.
I'm happy to see that mood has somehow improved, and i feel a bit more connected to others. I'm getting relief in skillful toughts (meritous toughts) which can be useful to dispell the delusion that taken me some weeks ago. I noticed i was focusing myself on the bad doings instead of the good doings.

[Moritz]

Mudita.

Here it is viewn as a way for one to look better, as a dummy simple to way show that one is good, or even as a way to hide a darker part of oneself. Interpretation may vary, obviously.

Yes. Why is that so?
I like to hide my dark parts as well. So I suspect others will do the same.
And I think in general that is not wrong. Some parts are so dark, they should better be forgotten.

It is good to remind oneself of one's capability of doing good, to maintain it.

Nothing much worse than having lost the capacity of doing something good and helpful for oneself and others.
But if finding oneself in such a situation, it is good to recognize the goodness of others, feeling gratitude and admiration.
Appreciation of good examples. So one can try to follow them and step out of one's incapacity again.

[blazer]

Hi Moritz,
thank you very much for your post here.
I think dark parts should be, more precisely and in my opinion, hidden in the sense that they should not control you, so it is an application of Sila, so a good thing. In this case hiding is intended not to show, or manifest, he defilements linked to dark sides.
Hiding for other reasons might not be skillful in some cases, as far as i understand. As usual the intention is important.
Not sure about the reaction of people. From what i studied in my childhood during religion classes, there's a saying that you should do the good not for the sake of glory, but for the sake of helping. So a misinteerpretation of this principle could be "don't say your good doings, because if you do this you have done the good just for your own glory. Keep them for yourself unless we make requests about your good actions (which is never)". Hope it's clear.

Merits. I managed to have some nice walk and social interaction while accomplishing some commitments, managing the pain, which unfortunately worsen. Being incapable to sleep or to make many good activities, i ended up meditating a lot.
Found out that the method used to detach from the leg pain is somehow working with the current pain also.

[blazer]

Merits.
I had a lot of time for reflection and meditation.
This time i experienced again what i call flashing body. When voidness is clear and body borders are clearly perceived, augmentating concentration brings to more and more synchronization of the body particles. Then focusing on the borders, one can feel himself as a body made of energy which flashes and shine all over around. It is accompained by a liberation feeling. Unfortunately i'm far less proficient than before.
I think trying to reproduce the various feelings, all positive, desirable, of the blessing helps to reproduce good conditions.

By reflection i've corrected my view a little. Pain meditation has been extremely useful in the past, and i have explicitly highlighted its importance online many times. To me, it looks it can improve compassion and renunciation.
I also noticed that with the leg pain i was craving in some subtle way, when now it is not the case..
Before, the idea was to get free from pain in order to get something outside (not well defined, nothing gross, but still).
Now, the feeling is to heal and develop. I know it is probably a transient feeling, so i think it's worth investigating it before it disappears.

Thanks for reading and advices
 

[blazer]

Have already opened many topics today, some merit is in them.
Today has been dedicated to sila, walking meditation, meditation, social well doing.
I have also totally abstained in playing videogames or enjoying electronic entertainment (except music).

 

[Dhammañāṇa]

Sadhu, Sadhu

Maybe trying to enjoy the fruits of the merits of abstaining from low pleasures even already tomorrow and gain the possiblility to reflect on own virtues like the Arahats, one's blameless gifts. If even complete the nineufold Uposatha, basing all on metta toward all who for the most depend total on sense-drugs, such is of auspicious result.

[blazer]

Have done a good deal of effort the last days.
Exceptions as usual for intoxicants and music.

The best part is that pride has significantly lowered since my last dwelling. Dangers about it has been understood.
Now, i've seen mindfulness is the first that deteriorates with the faults above, then alertness gets slower, then fatigue, then vipassana decrease out of tiredness.

I think giving continuity of practice can bring the result.
It looks, this time i have to abandon two useful tools i used since now.
Starting now, maybe the result can come, and sooner.

This morning i have taken action to seek a retreat place. One place i can go without problems will be available in about 2 weeks.
 

[Dhammañāṇa]

Mudita

[blazer]

And a nice story today out.
Saved money for not taking extra food and intoxicants. An old lady asked me, in a church, money for shelter, first time i gave so much money. The money saved are gone to that lady, so she will have a shelter for a while and better and clearer Dhamma has been practiced.

 

[Dhammañāṇa]

Mudita

Blameless joy with oneself, if sacrificing useless sensual pleasures for others lesser burden. While sensual pleasure consumed lasts only very short, increases desire for more, merits giving an escape and more sublime ease for 100, 1000 times longer time.

[blazer]

Then will try harder going out in a more anonymous way.
I feel i get some useless attention and it breaks mindfulness to get approached, admirated, to touch any ring, necklace, whatever decoration, one may desire to get noted even in a subtle way.
Also passing time in front of a mirror can be dangerous. Self admiration.

[blazer]

A day of restraint, hard practice, on the road, wandering to find the peaceful place, endless throughout the day, doing my best to keep Sila and develop it further.

Gave charity, then on thankful words, gave more.
Not so much, but i'm not used to charity.

[Dhammañāṇa]

Sadhu & mudita

(Good to learn more on how and where and when doing the merits of charity, Dana , which is actually the "lowest" but basic.